


Of Puns, the Past, and the Purple Colossus

by AVegetarianCannibal



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: Bad Puns, Bottom Will, First Time, Fluff and Smut, M/M, but not very smutty, pegging mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-23
Updated: 2016-01-23
Packaged: 2018-05-15 04:19:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5771041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AVegetarianCannibal/pseuds/AVegetarianCannibal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Everyone writes a first time fic. This one is mine. Post-TWotL.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Of Puns, the Past, and the Purple Colossus

**Author's Note:**

> Everyone writes a first time fic. This one is mine. Post-TWotL.

“Will, I know this will be your first time, so…”

Will bit his lip and glanced away. The bedroom was dark, lit only by the fire in the hearth, but he knew Hannibal could see his face.

“Will? If you’re not ready..”

“It’s not that,” Will hurried to say. “It’s just… Well, I said I’d never been intimate with a man. I didn’t say I’d never been fucked in the ass.”

“But–”

“There’s this thing called pegging,” Will went on.

Hannibal frowned almost imperceptibly. “Pegging–”

“It’s when a man and woman love each other very much, or at least want to try something new in the boudoir–”

“Now you are patronizing me,” Hannibal sniffed. “I know what it is. I _am_ a man of the world.”

Will propped himself on one elbow and drew circles in the sheets with his finger, only occasionally glancing up at Hannibal through the fringe of his hair. “You see, I knew a girl in college. She started out using a little thing on me, not much bigger than a finger. After a couple weeks, we had worked up to this giant purple thing she called the Colossus of Rode You Hard.”

“What an abysmal play on words.”

Will sighed as longingly as he could. “I could feel the tip of that thing bumping my stomach, I swear." 

“I assure you, that’s not anatomically possible under normal circumstances.”

“Well, I suppose I _am_  exaggerating, a bit.” He stopped when he saw Hannibal’s change in expression. "Why do you look so disappointed? Are you sad you won’t be popping my cherry?”

Hannibal turned away, sitting on the edge of the bed furthest from him. “Don’t be vulgar.”

“You’re upset the Colossus got there first.”

“I am not upset,” Hannibal threw over his shoulder.

Will petted Hannibal’s back reassuringly. “Do you want me to help you find that purple bastard and kill him with you? Shall we flay him, or burn him? What’s the melting point of silicone, anyway? I could look it up…” He trailed off as the laughter bubbled out of him, no longer able to contain it. He had to gasp for breath between bouts of laughter.

"I fail to see what’s so humorous,” Hannibal started, and then he understood. “You were joking. There was no Colossus.”

Will wiped tears from his eyes, still laughing. “No, there wasn’t,” he confessed. “There was no strap-on of any kind. I’m sorry. It’s just… you were taking everything so seriously!”

“Forgive me for taking this new exploration of our relationship so seriously.”

"Don’t pout,” Will said, sitting up to press kisses to Hannibal’s shoulder. “Goodness, I sure know how to rile you up. I guess you could say… I’ve got you pegged.”

“Another abysmal play on words,” Hannibal said. “You’ll have to be _pun_ ished for that.”

“Punished–” Will snort laughed.

“You see, the pun part–”

“Yes, I got it,” Will said, rolling his eyes. “Now come here and bump my stomach.”

**Author's Note:**

> I just can't write proper smut. It always turns into joking.
> 
> Originally posted to my [tumblr](http://avegetariancannibal.tumblr.com/post/136644486199/everyone-writes-a-first-time-fic-so)


End file.
